Well at least its not....

My third week of radiation has come to a close and thankfully the last couple days have treated me well.  No repeats of Tuesday morning...YAY!

Sometimes I find it hard to tell some people I have rectal cancer.  Just seems dirty in away, almost shameful, but I don't know why.  I think it is a stigma we put towards are bowel movements.  It's like when you have gas and you are mortified that someone might hear you or worse smell it, but why everyone has gas sometimes.  Shit happens!  The other part of me wants to share my story, colorectal cancer is not just an old person's disease.  It is the 3rd most commonly diagnosed cancer for both men and woman worldwide.  So why do we never hear about it, especially in young people?  Probably because 9 out of 10 of these people who are diagnosed are over the age of 50.  I just can't figure out why I got this.  I'm not over weight, I eat right, I don't smoke nor do I drink excessively, I don't have any type of family history with cancer (not just colorectal cancers but no cancers!), I probably could use to exercise more but I'm not that out of shape.  So what caused this?  Is the devil just f-ing with me?  I'm still waiting for Demi Moore's boy toy to jump out and tell me I've been Punked!

As you can imagine, I am at the hospital fairly often, sometimes it feels like I am there all day and that's because sometimes I am there all day.  Daily radiation followed by lab work and other appointments and sometimes even appointments for my kids (obviously not related to my cancer treatment).  As most people do when they are waiting for what seems like forever in the waiting room you make small talk.  So Tuesday afternoon I was in the waiting area with Tommy.  An elderly couple started talking to me (I get in more conversations with elderly couples when the kids are with me, I don't know maybe it reminds them of their own family when they were younger) and somehow along the way it was mentioned that I had cancer.  The lady asked if it was breast cancer and I said no it's rectal cancer.  Her response was "Well at least its not breast cancer."  Please don't misunderstand me when I say that I was a tad irritated by her comment.  I understand the seriousness that breast cancer can impose, that all cancer can impose.  My issue is that her response seemed to imply that my cancer was less concerning than others.  I have stage III rectal cancer, I certainly think that deserves a little bit of concern!  I still have almost a year of treatment left, not to mention that after April I may be pooping into a bag of the rest of my life!  Ok I get it, she probably was trying in some way to make me feel better, but all it did was irk me.  Talking with Dennis, he said he would get the same thing when he would tell people he had melanoma, people would be like "oh they just burn that off, right?"  No, no they don't!

I guess what you should take from that story is that if someone tells you that they have cancer don't give them the "it could be worse scenario" or trivialize it.  Cancer is serious, regardless of stage.  Every cancer patient and immediate family member knows the worry and the dread of every scan.  Sure your test results come back and tell you that you are NED (have No Evidence of Disease) and you breath a huge sigh of relief, but that feeling that it could come back is real.  That doesn't mean we live our lives in fear, it is just that we respect the reality of life.  My husband has been NED for just over two years, we do our best to live our lives to the fullest, even had a second child.  However, I do still stop to say a prayer when he goes in every 3 months for his checkups.