It has been awhile since my last post. I've spent the last few weeks recovering from radiation and preparing for the road ahead. It wasn't until two weeks after the end of radiation that I started to truly feel better. My energy is back, my body is healing and almost all the affects of the chemo and the radiation have worn off. I spent a few of my recovery weeks in denial. I feel to good to have cancer....maybe if I hold out I'll just wake up from this bad dream. Deep down, I know that isn't going to happen.
About a two weeks ago I started my surgery preps. I went in for what is called a sigmoid scope. They put me to sleep so as to take pictures of the tumor. My tumor has shrunk, but not as much as originally thought. The tumor is still very low and it is a high probability that some of my sphincter muscles will have to be removed. Dr. H is giving me what seems like an 80/20 chance in favor of a colostomy. On her recommendation, we went up to Bethesda to see another colorectal specialist (who will be assisting with my surgery) to get a second opinion.
I'd like to stop here and say that the trip to Bethesda was probably the most humbling experience. As I walked around the hallways at the hospital from appointment to appointment, I must have seen half a dozen young men in their 20s who were double amputees. My mind couldn't help but wonder what they must have been gone thru and what they still have to face. It made me feel as if my problems were not small, but less of a burden.
We had several appointments at Bethesda and ended up spending a good majority of our day there. We saw the radiation oncologist, the colorectal specialist (and handful of his minions (interns...as if I didn't have a large enough audience already!!)), and the ostomy nurses. All of the appointments went as expected. Dr. D, the colorectal specialist, gave us a slightly better odds on the surgery saying that it could go either way....50/50. Don't get me wrong I am excited about the possibility of being whole, with no waste collection bag attached to me, but I have a lot of concerns about the reconnection surgery. For starters, it may not work! And then I would have to have another surgery! There are a few other not so fun outcomes as well....but I digress.
We left Bethesda completely spent and with two pieces of information. First, my surgery will be on the 9th of April. Secondly, how that surgery will turn out is anyone's guess.
