A Whirlwind Of Information

So last night I did a slew of tests, namely an MRI and CT scan.  Both of which included some sort of dye being ingested and/or injected.  Now I have had a lot of poking a proving over the years, but never an MRI.  Lying there for 45 minutes reminded me of crawling around in the torpedo tubes of a submarine when I was a midshipman back in college.  Besides prepping for the tests, the scans went by quickly and without major incident.  I didn't receive any results last night so I came home to play the waiting game.

Last night I didn't sleep well.  I'm not sure if it was from worrying about the results of the scans or that my 15 month old was also not sleeping well.  I had a full day ahead of me; appointments and consults with Colon-rectal Surgery followed by Hematology-Oncology and than Radiation Oncology.  I arrived at the hospital before 8 AM.  My appointment was so early that the radiologist hadn't even had the time to read my scans yet.  They placed me in the exam room and I waited and waited and waited.  After 30-40 minutes passed the Colon-rectal surgeon Dr. H came in and started to go thru my case with me.

First the good news, my cancer is not metastatic which means it hasn't spread to any other organs.  The bad news is that I have what appears to be two lymph nodes that are suspect.  This means that the cancer may have spread to my lymph nodes, but they aren't certain.  If the nodes are positive or if they aren't able to determine that those lymph nodes are in fact cancer free, than I will most likely have to endure chemo-radaition therapy before surgery.  If the nodes are negative for cancer, I will just need to have surgery to remove the tumor.  Unless of course they find something during the surgery and than I will have to do chemo-radiation after the surgery.  Fun, fun, fun!  Now the ugly, I am told that I have rectal cancer in the lowest possible point of my rectum.  For the doctors to surgically remove the tumor they must also remove enough healthy tissue around the tumor to achieve what is called positive margins.  Because of where my tumor sits and how much healthy tissue they will have to remove, they will also remove my ability to control my own bowels.  Long story short I have an almost certain chance of having a colostomy for the rest of my life.

<Rant>

I'm ok with the radiation and chemo, I can come to terms with that.  My hold up is the colostomy.....really a poo bag for the rest of my life!  I'm only 31!  How do I do all the things I like to do, like go to the beach, swim, travel etc when I have no control over my bowels?  I realize I'm no Cindy Crawford, but how do you feel sexy with a poo bag attached??

<Rant Complete>

So after a long discussion about the specifics of my cancer I had to get examined.  For those of you who have never endured the such an invasion of privacy, I hope you never do.  I lost a lot of care about these matters when I was pregnant, but even all the prodding that comes with pregnancy did not prepare me for this.  I will spare you the specifics.

After the meeting with Dr. H, I was shuttled off to see Dr. L, my hematology-oncology doctor.  Another overview of the findings followed by another exam.  Then off to Dr. K from radiation-oncology...guess what another overview of the findings and...wait for it....an exam!

Seriously though, it was a lot of information to take in today.  I got a lot of questions answered, but there are still some outlying questions to be addressed before we proceed with therapy.  To start off I have to get a rectal ultrasound so that the doctors have a better idea of what they are dealing with, like how deep the tumor may go and hopefully they will get a better look at the lymph nodes that appear suspect on my MRI.  The ultrasound is scheduled for next Tuesday.  Thankfully I will be somewhat sedated for this procedure (images of alien abductions just flashed into my head).  I know that my doctors, especially my colon-rectal surgeon has been working with her colleagues up in Bethesda to get their professional opinion on how to address the removal of the tumor (they all agree that there isn't much hope for saving my ass....literally), but I have also requested for a second opinion if time allows.  I am tentatively (depending on the results of the ultrasound) scheduled for surgery on Thursday.  If the civilians (I get seen at a military hospital) can't get to me within a week or so we may have to readdress the situation, as cancer is a somewhat time sensitive disease.            

Needless to say, today has been a day of information overload.  I think now I will grab myself a glass of wine and go into denial for at least a little while.  Tomorrow is another day.